Self Help

Who remembers the “self help” craze of the 90s? I do and it’s still there just in different forms.  Now instead of going to the store to buy some book that will bore you to tears, but will bring you great enlightenment, you can Google whatever it is you need help with.  Amazing isn’t it?

For many years I had hyperthyroidism, which means that I was running on high for most of my life.  My internal temperature was so high I literally wore shorts and flip flops with snow on the ground and was perfectly comfortable.  It was a crime against nature if anyone turned my thermostat above 68 degrees.  Winter or summer didn’t matter.  Then by pure accident it was discovered that my thyroid was enlarged, I had a goiter that was literally about to choke me to death.  So my thyroid was removed and literally my internal heater was closed down for good.  My husband is upset by this because he loved putting his cold hands and feet on me to warm up.  I digress, so now I’m dealing with the issues that come with having no thyroid.  Some of the few things are, drop in temperature, I no longer feel comfortable in shorts outside in the winter.  I’ve gained over 50 pounds (which makes me very sad, what woman wouldn’t be?) and I shed hair worse than a long haired cat.

I spent the better part of a year with personal trainers, going to workout at least 3 times a week etc and nada.  Not 1 ounce of weight loss.  Yes I know that diet contributes to this as well.  Before my thyroid was removed I could drop up to 5 pounds a week with the right diet and exercise.  Now? Well not much changes with either or both of those things.  Instead heading to the self help isle, which now appears to have a stigma most people don’t bother to address, they merely hop onto their laptop or phone and Google what information they are looking for.  Honestly though I think we still need the self help isle, because no matter what symptoms you “Google” either it comes back your fine or you you’re dying from cancer.  I know it’s not that simple but there is a LOT of scary information on the world wide web and guess what? Not all of it’s true!!!  That’s the most shocking of all isn’t it?   So maybe we should stop relying on the internet so much and go back to good old fashioned books that the authors have taken the time to research their information before they printed off the books for public consumption? Ah well, maybe I should Google those statistics?

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Pee

I’m a middle aged woman and sadly things aren’t working quite like they used to.   Even 10 short years ago (insert laughter here) my body was working better and more efficiently than it does now.  Back in my 20’s I could go out with friends, drink till the wee hours, come home get an hour or two worth of sleep, bounce right up and go to work the next morning.  Now I drink till I get a buzz or worse get full on drunk and I’m hungover for at least 3 days.  As the kids say WTH?

As a middle aged woman, I’ve also been pregnant twice and had 2 lovely children.  Sadly that act while coveted by many and considered a beautiful part of life, tears your body up!  My daughter for instance back in her teens and I was in my 30’s walked into my bathroom where I was just finishing up my shower.  She looks at my naked chest and says “Mom, you should get a boob job, they are hanging kind of low.”   I started laughing and replied “You did this to me so you should pay for the boob job, also can’t wait till you have kids because then you will realize my pain.” She shook her head and left the room.

Fast forward 10 years…  My daughter is now an adult and mother of 2 beautiful girls.  At which point she says to me “Mom, my boobs are non existent! These girls ruined my body!” I couldn’t help myself, I burst out laughing and reminded her of the bathroom conversation from years ago.  She smiled and apologized.

Back to the subject at hand, it’s nearing the end of summer and I’ve spent the morning at work sneezing my butt off…  And toward the end of the sneeze fest, they were getting pretty hard and then the worst started happening.  I sneezed and at the same time peed a little.  I was like WHAT?!?!? This is what life has come to? I pee when I sneeze? One just has to wonder what is going to break down next? It’s almost like a watching a movie, waiting to see what goes next?

Eating healthy?

First off why does such a phrase as “eating healthy” even exist? I know I’ve stated it before that I’m fat and I am, but how did I get this way? I know some of it’s genetics and my health.  The majority of it is what I eat.  I love soda, sweets, carbs, meat and potatoes…  Anything that tastes yummy and that I crave contains a ton of stuff that I don’t need.  WHY?

The hubby and I have had numerous conversations about why eating healthy is so much harder and more expensive than eating crap.  You would think that fresh fruits and vegetables would be cheaper than something that was processed and packaged.  Right? I mean there are no factories needed to process anything on the fresh side right? Most fruits aren’t packaged so no cost there right? I know we are being naive and probably dense about the whole food packaging process but still, basic common sense would tell you that if I pick an apple off of a tree and drive it to a store and sell it????  Isn’t that cheaper than picking said apple, taking it to a factory where it has to run through a bunch of machines that will wash it, skin it, cut it up and put it into something else.  Then ship it to another plant where it’s put into a card board box of some kind.

I wonder why the yummy stuff is cheaper and so much worse for you than say fruit and vegetables? I want to eat healthier, my husband is always on my back to eat healthier.  But frankly he doesn’t get how hard it is to cook for 1 person.  He also doesn’t want to understand how much more work goes into prepping fresh everything, not to mention how much more money it will cost to do that.  Plus I don’t want to go to the store every other day? Who does?  I’ve also seen information about the salads that you buy when you are out and how they have more sugar and/or carbs in it than something prepared at home…  How is that possible? I mean if you are using the same fresh ingredients? (sigh) I just wish that I could make a carrot stick and cucumber slice taste as good as say a bowl of ice cream and/or a piece of pizza.

Lazy days…

It’s Tuesday.  Nothing exciting about that.  I just got home.  It’s been an eventful afternoon.  I had a dentist appointment and then I went to a doctors appointment.  On the way home I stopped and had my car cleaned.  Aren’t you impressed?

I get home, I put my comfy clothes on and I’m sitting in the recliner watching America’s Got Talent and writing in my blog.  What I should be doing you ask? Well the carpets need to be vacuumed and I need to make dinner and sew on my granddaughters quilt.  Also the kitchen floor badly needs to be mopped.

I’m glad my back is finally calming down.  I went to the ortho doc last Thursday to get a steroid shot in my hip.  Usually it makes my hip pain stop and I get a couple of weeks worth of pain relief.  For whatever reason this time that’s not how it worked.  I got my shot and my hip and back started hurting.  Then by Saturday it really hurt, woke up Sunday morning and I could barely walk because of the pain.  On Monday my back hurt a little less but still was very difficult to walk.  Had chores to do last night but back hurt so bad, but I did manage to get the dishes done and dinner made.  Also got a couple of loads of laundry done.

Well tonight after the dentist and the doctor I am now sitting at home, knowing that I need to get stuff done and not really wanting to.  So wish me luck!

How old am I?

Well today was your standard day in the life of a middle aged wife and mother.  I got up just as tired as when I went to bed.  Got ready for work and dragged my tired butt through the humid and hot air.  Then I left work early to go to the doctor and get a shot in my hip.  I have bursitis and arthritis.  I have to get steroid shots and/or cortisone shots for inflammation and pain.

Then I ran some errands, 1 of which included dropping off a quilt top that I sewed for my Grandmother.  My Grandmother has been battling lung cancer the last few months.  On the one hand, great news, she beat lung cancer.  She is officially in remission, of which I’m very, very thankful.  I made this quilt for her because I wanted to give her something I made from the heart, to help keep her warm.  After I dropped the quilt top off at the long arm quilter I came home and dropped into the recliner.  After dinner I finished cutting up the material for my granddaughters quilt.  I then put on a movie and started sewing.  I love to sew and crochet.  I love making things for the people I love.  What I find funny is that if I start to make something for myself I feel guilty about it.  My hubby always tells me that when he cooks for me, it makes him feel good to see someone that he loves enjoy the food he made.  I feel the same way about the stuff I make.  It makes me feel good to see people covering up with a blanket that I’ve made, or wear a hat I’ve crocheted.

I wonder why I feel compelled to make stuff? Or more specifically I like making stuff for people? I mean I have a friend that always tells me that she’s not a “crafty” person so she tolerates my gushing about some yarn and/or fabric I’ve picked up and what I’m going to make with it.

Ugh I’m sitting here, exhausted, in pain and sneezing my butt off.  When I came upstairs I intended to go to bed early…  But instead I’m trying to coral my thoughts and make some sort of sense in this blog.  I can’t believe I’ve fallen off of the blog wagon lately.  Hadn’t had much to say or at least anything interesting to say.

Ok I’m done babbling, at least for now.

Boring, boring, boring…

How’s your summer going? Are you getting out there and doing fun stuff? Making memories with friends and family that you’ll be able to look back on and smile? I hope so because I’m not…  It’s been a boring, hot as hell summer…

Well the AC in our bedroom broke days before the hottest week of the entire year.  So basically I was living in a sweat box, sleeping on an air mattress on our pull out sofa.  Jealous? I know right? I’ve been quilting like no one’s business, I’ve already got 2 quilts at the long arm quilters, almost got 3rd one completed and ready to go.  I’ve been crocheting too, although not as much because I’ve been sewing.

I’m trying to get the camper organized but that’s slow going, especially because I haven’t been in the camper much due to the heat.  I’m at work and my mind is bouncing all over like a little red rubber ball that’s been unleashed.  I am not looking forward to anything I’m so totally blah today.  I haven’t even blogged recently because frankly there was nothing interesting going on.  I did notice however the past 2 blogs I’ve managed to write have been about, wait for it, the heat! I try not to repeat myself but apparently I complained 2 times in a row about the same thing.  See? Boring!

Wait I do have some great news!  My Grandmother had lung cancer, she was admitted to the hospital because the symptoms from the chemo were out of control.  They did some tests and 1 of them was a CT of her chest, which upon closer inspection revealed that her lung cancer has gone!  She’s in remission.  We couldn’t be happier!

Well I have at least 1 thing that’s good about this summer.

THE HEAT!

Have I mentioned before how much I hate extreme heat? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a nice, warm summer day.  But what I don’t enjoy is that thing called a heat index…  It shoots the feel like temperature above the 100 degree mark.  Which in turn makes my feet swell like a water balloon.  I also don’t enjoy burning the back of my legs on my car seat.  I don’t enjoy sticking to my recliner because the AC unit in my camper has conked out.  Well one of them at least so the 1 remaining isn’t able to keep the camper cool!

I’ve been sleeping on my pull out sofa, of course after one night I had to put an air mattress on the pull out part because frankly my middle aged back couldn’t take the metal support bars.  To add insult to injury the temperature has now risen!  Yes you heard me correctly the temp continues to rise.  So last night I was sitting in a camper that was almost 90 degrees on the inside.  It was even hotter and more humid outside if you can believe it.  Now keep in mind, I’ve got 1 AC unit running, 2 huge fans at each end of the camper and the only thing I can do at this point is pray for the sun to go down so it will hopefully cool off…  Of course right now the lows are only dipping into the low 80’s at night!

So I’m sorry to say this may be my last entry…  This heat may have caused me to melt (insert maniacal laughter here) please anyone out there reading this pray for a cold front to hit the Midwest! Thank you!

The weather?

Who hasn’t complained about the weather? It’s too hot!  It’s too cold! I only like the spring, I only like the fall…  Seasons we only get for about a week at a time.  I also find it funny that during the hottest week of the year, your AC breaks.  As soon as the temps fall below freezing your furnace goes out.  WHY?????

I know there are logical explanations of all this but frankly who cares? It won’t make the situation better and who wants to be well informed when your grumpy because your sitting in a hot box, not sleeping and sweating in places you forgot you had?

Here in the Midwest we’ve had the hottest week so far this year.  Our highs have been over 100 degrees not including humidity, and the lows aren’t dropping below 80 degrees so…  That’s when the AC in my bedroom decides to start acting funny and not running like it should.  One of the drawbacks to living in an RV is during days like this the small metal box I live in becomes a microwave!  Of course this only happens when my husband is out of town for the week.  So he’s not home to look at the bedroom AC.  I slept on the pull out bed in the living room last night, not comfy!

I’m tired, grumpy and because of the heat my legs and feet are swollen to the point of numbness…  Well back to work so I can watch my feet swell bigger because of sitting in my office (when did I get old?)

Just an update.

You know sometimes you just need to list out the events of your day, or week, etc…  My hubby laughs at me because I will give him a run down of the chores I’ve done in a day.  For instance I will sit there look at him, hand in the air counting off the stuff I’ve done on my fingers.  #1 I cleaned the kitchen, #2 I’ve done the laundry, #3 cleaned the bathroom…  Now I won’t mention the fact, he’s been present as I’ve done these things, he’s fully aware of the things that I’ve gotten done that day, but still yet I feel the need to speak this list out loud to his face and expect some form of acknowledgment from him.  God love him, he humors me and smiles and acknowledges my hard work.  Some days even he doesn’t have the patience, at which point he’ll look at me and say “I know, you don’t need to list it off for me.”  Like this stops me? Um, no! I will laugh, look at him with the “evil eye” and keep listing.

So this what I feel like doing on my blog today…  This week has been wonky because of the holiday smack dab in the middle of the week (which I personally hate!) Sunday I spent the better part of the day running errands for my Grandmother then bringing her home from the hospital.  She’s going through chemo and its taking a terrible toll on her.  Last week she wasn’t breathing too well, so my aunt took her to the ER at which point they ran tests on her & admitted her because her oxygen sats were in the 80s and her legs were so swollen her skin was splitting open.  My Grandmother isn’t a large woman, she’s 4′ 8″ and a little over 100 pounds.  So her legs getting that swollen was very alarming.  She’s also very independent and stubborn, so getting her to the ER was a chore in and of itself.  Needless to say they did manage to get some of the fluid off her and her breathing improved, but she still needs oxygen as she moves around.  This did NOT sit well with her at all.  She’s very independent and she runs around more than I do.  So she’s been chomping at the bit about being at home.

Yesterday she had a doctor appointment, but my aunt finally got home from her trip so she took her, which was good because I had my yearly cancer check up and endocronologist appointment myself.  I had to have blood drawn, nothing new there…  The downside is I have rolling veins, so getting blood out of me on a good day is trial.  But yesterday I was in blood draw hell!  They couldn’t get blood out of me to save their lives! It took 2 techs, 5 tries!!!  I looked like a pin cushion by the time they got done!

Well I seem to have run out of steam trying to make my accomplishment list, so I guess I should get to work and get through this Friday as quickly as possible so I can go home and enjoy the weekend with my hubby.

Irony…

Ok boys and girls I’m going to talk about sex.  Don’t worry I’m not writing an erotic novel here in my blog (wink, wink) but I am talking about female, male sex drives and the difference between the 2.

Now in our school health classes we were taught that boys go through their sexual peak in the years between 18-20.  While girls go through their sexual peak in their 40’s.  Whose idea was this? I mean when in my 20s I was eager for sex.  I know that not all girls are  sexually excited at that point in their lives.  I believe it’s because they are shy and unsure of their bodies and of themselves.  Not all girls, just most.  While boys are led by their penis’.

The point of this rant? Well I’m in my early 40’s and my sex drive is like a Nascar at top speed!  My poor husband just wants a nice night where he can lay back and relax.  Instead I’m darn near vibrating waiting for sex.  In my husbands defense he travels a LOT for his job, so when he gets home he’s tired and just wants to vegitate in his recliner, while I on the other hand desperately want him to get up and perform his husband duties…  I know that NO means NO and I respect that, but frankly some days I’d love to just throw him down and attack him.  Yes I believe my husband is that sexy (wink, wink).  Otherwise I try and respect his wishes.  It’s very hard though and sometimes I find myself making snarky comments because I’m feeling the denial.

I find it ironic that in the media it’s the wives that are made out to be the great deniers of sex, when in reality we are at our sexual peak at this age and the hubbies testosterone level is on a downward spiral.  I think it’s funny in marriage that the sexual power starts out with the man and the changes over to the woman.

Honestly I haven’t been able to get the hubby to give it up in a while, hence the reason for this entry.  I hope this doesn’t end being TMI but I couldn’t help myself.  Just remember if you are sitting a desert (wink, wink) remember you are NOT alone!