Sadness

I am very sad today.  Yesterday my aunts and I took my grandmother to the hospital for a needle biopsy of spots on her lungs and lymph nodes.  We were advised that they were adenoid carcinoma a.k.a lung cancer.  My grandmother is 83 years old and frankly she’s in better health than I am.   She’s beaten breast cancer twice and I’m hoping she’ll be able to beat this as well.

My mother died when I was 7 years old and I was taken in and raised by my Grandmother.  I am sad to say that she’s the only mother I really remember.  I know that my Grandmother is getting up there in years (I mean aren’t we all?) but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to face her passing on.  I know she’s lived a full long life, but frankly I’m hoping she’s not done yet.

Yesterday I was pretty numb and busy.  I think that I kept at a frantic pace just to keep my mind off of things.  Today I’m very tired (her appointment at the hospital required us to get up about 5 a.m.) and just very sad.  She’s my Grandmother, she’s never NOT been in my life.  Honestly most of my family is dead, so this is not new to me.  But she is a figure in my life I’ve never pictured not here.

I will keep a positive outlook and pray that she can rise to the occasion and just one more time fight off the cancer that wants to take her from us.

Love you Grandma!

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