Sunday, gloomy Sunday…

Ok it’s Sunday, laundry is laundering and breakfast has been cooked and eaten. I’m sitting here watching Grey’s Anatomy Season 2. I love this season, I have the first 8 seasons on DVD. There is a bright spot to my day, the hubby told me that he has booked a flight for next weekend to come and see me! I can’t wait! I miss him so much and I haven’t seen him in almost 2 months.

I made some progress on a quilt I had started yesterday. So should I work on that quilt? Should I crochet on my hubby’s blanket? Should I deep clean the trailer? I am at a loss as to what I should do today. It’s early in the day, kind of, 10:30 a.m. and that’s early for me, usually me and the hubby would be sleeping in and snuggling in the bed. Plus it’s gray and gloomy outside, it’s getting ready to start raining.

I’ve started writing this entry and I’m not sure where it’s going to go? Should I whine and complain? Should I rah, rah and try and cheerlead my way to being productive? Decisions, decisions… I’m fighting depression really hard these days. In fact I started losing the fight at work Friday, I actually started crying sitting at my desk, I literally couldn’t stop the tears. I tried to get it together and go to Jen’s house in Houston, but her in-laws were still in town and they were going to rodeo this weekend. I couldn’t deal with all of that so I stayed home. I quilted and watched tv most of yesterday, didn’t even leave my camper, I feel like I’m getting ready to do the same thing today. I need the rest, my boss pushes me pretty hard during the week and I fight exhaustion almost every day, but I don’t know if it’s from the stress of the job or the depression?

On top of everything else, there are feral cats in the trailer park. They seem to have taken up residence around my trailer, so they are mating and/or fighting under my camper. Yesterday I heard a strange noise coming from the floor of the trailer, I wandered around trying to locate the sound and see what the problem was. Couldn’t find anything then it stopped, my neighbor brought the cats to my attention it all made sense. Then late last night I heard a strange sound, then something crashed into the camper and I think it was the damn cats fighting!

Hubby is traveling back to KC today, they had their company meeting in Albuquerque this weekend. I tried to get the hubby to let me meet up with him there but unlike last years meeting which I did attend with him, they were not giving them any free time to play in New Mexico, so he nixed the idea of me joining him. Well need to go & switch over the laundry.



Ok hopefully this post won’t get lost in cyberspace when the app crashes… Well it’s Saturday night, I’m sitting on my bed watching a movie and crocheting on my hubby’s blanket. I did have a productive day which since I’ve moved I’m very proud of. I got off of my butt, got some stuff done and then went to the movies. Then I came home and kind of ran out of steam but now I’m back up & running.

I’ve missed my crocheting and sewing and I’ve been staring at projects that have gone undone for a few months now. That in all honesty made me a little bit more depressed, but I did drop off my granddaughters quilt at the quilt shop to get long arm quilted. It took me longer than I wanted for it to be finished but it’s there… So I’m hoping this burst of creativity will keep going, I can get back on track with the stuff I want to make. I love to crochet and/or quilt things and give them to the people I love. I actually drove to Houston to make a quilt for the other half of my brain. Then after she had it long arm quilted I drove back out to finish it off… Seeing her burrito herself in the quilt as she watches tv with her husband and son just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. My next door neighbor, she’s been sick most of this winter, so I made her a hat and slippers she can wear in camper to keep warm & hopefully to help her keep from getting sick.

Is it crazy that I want people to enjoy the stuff I make? I mean seriously, I get great joy when I see people using and enjoying my creations. When I see my daughter put the clothes on I make for the girls, literally chokes me up. When I see them play with the toys I’ve made I tear up… When I see my hubby pull the hat I made him down over his ears to keep warm, it makes me smile. Sometimes I feel like I’m forcing myself on people making them things, but honestly I can’t help myself. I just love making stuff and for whatever reason I feel the need to give the items away… I feel selfish if I make something for myself. Is that weird?

Ok well I guess I’m going to get back to my crocheting… Why I felt the need to write this blog I have no idea.


I wrote a great blog and was just about to add a pic and the app crashed and I lost the blog I just spent the last 20 minutes typing…


Red bumps & humpback

There are 2 things that point out I’m fat. One are the red bumps on the back of my arms and 2 the humpback bump at the top of my back… A friend of mine who was also a big girl, pointed this out. When she weighed in over 300 pounds she pointed out that one thing fat people have in common are the red dots on the back of very large arms and the hump right at the top of their backs.

I had never paid that close attention, but once pointed out I noticed them. I love my friend but I was like seriously? One other thing about my fat body that I have to be conscious of and/or hate… However, on the flip side I just looked in the mirror and my humpback is gone and the red dots have been erased! This new job is literally wearing me down! Last time I went to Kansas City, everyone commented that I was losing weight. Seeing the pictures I disagree, I feel like Moby Dick but people were stating that they noticed a difference. Tonight when I looked in the mirror I noticed the hump was gone, so I looked at my arms and felt them and nope, no dots. I looked in the mirror and while there was a ghost of color on the back of my arms the dots were for the most part gone!

Does this mean despite the boredom and emotional eating since I’m running my butt off and taking my meds like I’m supposed to I’m losing weight? I’m going to assume yes since these 2 minute details have gone away. Well hopefully it’s not a figment of my imagination.



Well it’s Saturday night and I’m watching my DVR… I did go to the quilt shop today. I bought some more fabric, big shocker right? So tomorrow I’m gonna clean up the camper and hopefully I’ll get it done quick enough that I can sew on my granddaughters quilt. Then I will suck it up and finish my friends t-shirt quilt that I’ve been sitting on for more than year. I don’t know why, but for some reason I keep pushing it aside. My poor friend has been so patient.

I’ve been in Louisiana for about 4 months now. I’m starting to feel more at home here. Not totally but I’m feeling better. I’m still lonely as hell, but if I don’t get out I’m never gonna meet anyone. Even the lady at the quilt shop today stated that I could attend one of the classes or retreats to meet some people. She said that even one of the employees there came from the Midwest… So maybe I’ll be able to have some fun.

I was pretty productive today, I mean it’s been awhile since I’ve gotten out and run some errands. But I did manage to get my jewelry turned in to get sized, I also got my car cleaned, I changed cell phone carriers to save some money and I got went to the quilt store. I also stopped and had some mexican food for lunch. I mean Kansas City has more Mexican restaurants than any other kind so for a while I was sooooo tired of Mexican food. But coming down here it’s all about the Cajun food. I mean everything is super spicy, it’s all about the Cajun seasoning. So I totally missed the Mexican fiesta, I stopped in and had a pretty good meal.

Ok well I’m not sure if this entry made any sense, but I think I’m done for now.


Weird thought…

It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting in my friends bedroom in Texas, watching a movie. I came to Houston for the weekend, to spend time with my “sister”, finish her quilt and hang out. We went and saw the 50 Shades of Grey movie, very good by the way. Since those books came out I’ve been into them… The books are great, when the movies started coming out I was like awesome! The hubby went to the first one with me and a friend. The 2nd movie he refused to attend, so I went with my BFF that attended the 1st movie and now since I’m no longer in Kansas City, I have attended the movie with my “sister” friend.

I find it hilarious that I’m attending a relationship/sex movie with my friend and not my husband. Because quite frankly those movies make me want to go home, snuggle with the hubby and do other adult naughty things (wink, wink). So why do I torture myself you ask? I have no earthly idea. I mean I am movieaholic through and through, but since the move I haven’t been to the movies, which is strange for me.

I lay here watching this movie with my “sister” friend who is the other half of my brain. Her hubby and my hubby took us as a package deal. We haven’t lived closer than 800 miles in 20 years, yet we talk every day, usually several times a day. Now that I live in Louisiana we are a mere 3 and half hours away from eachother. I’ve seen her more in the last 4 months than I’ve seen her in the last 4 years.

I know I’m taking the scenic route to my point, but here it is… I feel like I can’t have both my husband and my “sister” friend at the same time. Like I can only have one or the other??? Does that make sense? Currently hubby is in Pennsylvania for a week of training, he went a day or 2 early to spend time with his sister. Hopefully after training is complete I’ll see him more often because he’ll be down here more for work. I’m trying to keep the boo hooing to a minimum because I went back through and read my last few entries and I was like seriously? I was being consistently pathetic. So I was trying to stop that.



Ok the other night I took my meds and started to feel nostaligic as I was getting ready for bed. So what did I do? I’m glad you asked, I blogged and then I went back and reread previous blogs. Then I realized that I haven’t done anything but whine and complain about being here alone and not seeing the hubby. So I apologize for sounding like a broken record for the last 2 months. I guess it’s a blessing in disguise that I haven’t written much because there would be a lot more blogs whining about the same darn thing every time.

I was so mortified after rereading previous blogs that I almost pulled everything back up and apologized about the whining. But I figured one entry for that particular day was enough. So I’ve spent the last 2 days trying to pull myself up out of the dumps… I can’t believe how hard it is also how easy it is to fall back into the old patterns. What I mean by that earlier this evening I pulled out my crocheting, which I haven’t touched in weeks and put in an old movie and crocheted for a bit this evening. Then when I started getting ready for bed, I started sliding back into the dump and I was like really??? Now I have to start whining to my hubby? Ugh! I’m sick of it! But what do I do? I could call my friend, but it’s just not the same… I mean she tries to understand but unless you live with someone who travels like my hubby it’s really hard to understand.

Hopefully I’ll get over this infection soon, so I can venture forth and try and find something to expand my horizons…


I hate being sick!

I’ve been to Urgent Care twice in 2 weeks and at the beginning of the year not having met my deductible it’s been torture! The first visit I was diagnosed with a bacterial infection and the 2nd time I was diagnosed with an upper respitory infection.

I’m sitting here on my bed sucking on the most vile lozenge ever made wishing my husband was home. Why is it that when I’m not feeling good or I’m tired, I miss my husband the most? Ever since I’ve moved I only get to see him maybe once a month and frankly that’s just not enough for me. I suck at long distance relationships. I don’t know how people do this for years at a time. I mean I’ve been doing it for 10 weeks and I’m miserable.

I think the saying when it rains it’s pours got it’s meaning from times like this. When I’m sick, I get sad and depressed. I wonder why? I mean seriously? Don’t I have enough to deal with being sick?

Well Happy New Year!


Strange Choices

I know I haven’t written in a while, it’s been a crazy transition. My schedule is insane, I’m working twice as hard to maintain the same paycheck… I’m all by my lonesome and my boss loves to take advantage of that.

I was just thinking that for someone (I’m referring to myself) who is seriously afraid of being alone, the reasons behind that are for another day. But anyway, I’m afraid of being alone with no friends, no family, no man… And despite that fear, I married a field service engineer. For the last 2 years he’s only been home Friday night, Saturday & Sunday. Usually he’s so exhausted then when he gets home on Friday night, he falls asleep within the hour. Now that I’ve moved to Louisiana by myself, I see my husband maybe once a month and if I’m lucky for more than 2 days, but usually not even that long. I’ve started referring to him as my Army Reserves husband, you know? One weekend a month and 2 weeks out of the year. We chuckled, but honestly that’s more true than not.

I thought that I wasn’t afraid of change, but it turns out that it’s harder than I thought. When I lost my job in KC, I was devastated, but I was elated to find this job in Louisiana because it killed 2 birds with one stone, I was able to keep my job at AT&T and I was getting out of the rut that is Kansas City. But now that I’m out of Kansas City, I miss my friends, family and even the job that I had. Especially since there is a person from my old office who has managed to keep her position. It’s a weird story that would be hard to explain here. But it makes me jealous that she is continuing to get paid, to do our old job. Because of her issues, she will probably not get a job offer, therefore allowing her to stay. If I had tried that I would’ve been offered a job I didn’t want thereby negating my ability to stay there… It doesn’t make me feel better, but again I ask did I have any other choice?

I had no idea that as a person who fears being alone, I’ve made choices that make me alone more than anyone I know. I will say that all this alone time, I’m starting to get used to it. But I still get lonely almost daily, I lay in my bed and wish that my husband was with me. When he moves down here, at least I’ll go back to seeing him on the weekends…

So keep your fingers crossed that they find my hubby’s replacement and he’s able to move to Louisiana so he can move back in with me.



The holidays have arrived! Today is Christmas Day. I just got home from Little Rock, AR. I drove up there Friday night to spend the weekend and Christmas Day with my husband who I hadn’t seen since Thanksgiving. We stayed in a hotel, for 3 days and frankly it lacked the holiday cheer and/or spirit. We ventured out one day to watch a movie and it was a zoo!!! We were both a little cranky that day so the evening didn’t end well, but otherwise everything was ok.

Christmas Eve came and we spent the afternoon and evening watching every horrible Christmas movie we could find on Netflix. This morning hubby wanted to leave early, so he set an alarm and woke up unbearably early… He proceeded to cook me breakfast. It was very sweet. We ended up watching 1 last horrible movie and left a little later than we planned. Each time we get together, I love it. Each time we have to leave, it tears me up. I’m not cut out for long distance relationships. As it is I’ve been teasing my husband that because of his job I’m a “reserves” wife. You know the commercial for the Army reserves? One weekend a month and 2 weeks a year? Well since his job is so busy, he’s gone Monday through Friday and I only get to see him on weekends, prior to the move. Which equates to 1 week a month. So I get 12 weeks out of the year with my husband. Now because of the move and the fact his company is making him stay in KC till a replacement is found, I don’t even get the 1 week a month with him. It’s tearing me up, let me tell you. Now that holidays are pretty much over when will I get to see my hubby?

It’s pretty lonely down here, my boss is taking advantage of the fact that the hubby hasn’t moved yet… So I’ve been working a lot of OT. Next month is my birthday, hubby has a work meeting in Miami that weekend, so I’m going to fly out & meet him… Beyond that there isn’t any holidays coming up that we can use to get together. I’m starting to panic a little.

I will say this, I at least made it through this Christmas without my kids and my other friends and family. I did FaceTime my youngest granddaughter and the funniest thing was her being shy with a phone. My oldest granddaughter has the flu and she was asleep so I didn’t get to FaceTime her, maybe tomorrow.

I just want to say Merry Christmas to everyone and I hope everyone had a happy holiday.