I’m starting to feel like my old self. I got home from work and finished my friend’s quilt. It’s all ready to go to the long arm quilter this weekend. Then I came upstairs and worked on one of the many crochet projects that I have started. As I lay here watching TV, Gilmore Girls in case you wanted to know, I realized that I wasn’t sad and lonely. That I felt almost like myself. It’s been a while since I’ve felt that way.
Does it have to do with my husband moving here? He’ll be here this weekend and I’m over the moon about it. I am not sure about my hop to Louisiana. I mean I’m missing the folks in my life a LOT! My daughter told me she’s pregnant with my 3rd grandchild and for the first time I won’t be involved in the birth. I was there for the birth of my 1st grandchild, in fact I was the first person to hold her. I kept Preslie when Iris was born then went to the hospital the day she was born. Now I won’t even be in the vicinity when #3 appears… Sad! Also there are changes happening at work that I’m not sure what they mean. But despite all of that I’m feeling like myself.
Now I’ve been bad, I haven’t worked out in the last 2 weeks. And I certainly need to, but I feel like myself! My hubby and my kids don’t get along, but I feel like myself. It’s hard to describe how different things are then they were 6 months ago, but I’m starting to feel like myself again. My eyes are watering and my nose is running because my allergies are out of control, but I’m starting to feel like myself again.
I know I’m starting to get back to my old self because I started blogging in my head while I was making dinner. For example, the saying goes “write what you know” and I’ve noticed some of the blogs I follow folks write what they know. What’s going on in their lives etc. So I thought of what about writing a subject that you are not familiar with… But is that stupid? I mean just spouting words about a subject that you know nothing of? Or would you research something outside the box and learn something or just stick with random conjecture?
Ok I just reread the previous paragraphs, they are choppy and all over the map and on that note I’m done torturing ya’ll for the evening.
Well everyone I have the best news ever! My hubby tried in his own silly way to tell me, but his boss finally said he could go ahead and move to Louisiana!!! I am so excited, after 6 long, agonizing months I am going to get to live with my husband again. I know it sounds silly, and I apologize for all the whining you had to read, but it’s all over now.
I don’t know how people do long distance for years at a time before being able to live with each other. I am a social person, I need people, I need physical touch. When you’re married your limited on who you can “touch” and that’s fine, but when the only person you can “touch” doesn’t live with you it makes it hard. As I do my silly looking “happy” dance I’m happy to say that the loneliness has come to an end.
This weekend I’m going to Houston to volunteer at the Liver Foundation walk, because the other half of my brain had a liver transplant 7 years ago and she participates in this walk because of it. She asked since I live close if I would participate. I won’t participate in the walk, because the last time I did a 5K walk I ended up with silver dollar size blisters on the bottom of my feet and my knees were in agony for a week or so after. But I did tell my friend I would be a volunteer at the walk in support of her.
I’m hoping that now that my best friend is moving down here with me and the weather is getting nicer that I’ll be able to get out more and enjoy my new home. Also I am always hopefully looking forward to meeting new people. If you want to know something interesting about my husband? He is a people magnet. Women openly flirt with him, my presence doesn’t seem to matter. Women have walked right up to him, looked over at me and then promptly started flirting with him. I find it hilarious, the reason I find it so funny is my husband is completely oblivious to it. Men of all shapes and sizes are drawn to him. The straight guys immediately treat him as their best friend and the gay men are attracted to him. My poor goofy husband despite his genial out going nature is essentially a loner. He likes being alone and sitting quietly doing and thinking of nothing. He just enjoys being, so you ask what is he doing with someone like me? Lord knows? He is fiercely loyal to a chosen few and the rest are just white noise. I’m extremely happy to be one of the chosen few.
Well after this weekend, I will be with my best friend, my lover, my husband again and I’m extremely happy about this.
I have so many different thoughts running around my brain. Nothing that would constitute a full blog entry so I figured I’d just ramble and try and empty my brain before I try to go to sleep.
For example who has heard of the theory that when you have writers block, you should sit down and simply type. No punctuation, no grammar, just write. Does that work? I mean what is the point? Are you supposed to go back through what you wrote insert grammar and punctuation? I thought about trying it on here one night but my computer was across the room and I was too tired.
I am going to Houston for the weekend. I am going to test drive cars because I get to buy a new car and I can’t wait. I really want a Mini Cooper but I’m going to test drive other cars as well just to make sure the Mini is what I really want. I even asked my hubby if he thought I would get the Mini or not… He thought about it and said he thinks I’m going to get the Mini Cooper. I am also taking my gun to my friends so we can go shooting at the range. I hope we will have time, because I really enjoy target shooting.
I’m watching True Blood while I write this, I find that funny because I’m currently living in Louisiana. I mean why does this matter? I have no idea I mean seriously, what does geography have to do with your favorite show? I don’t know why, but it does. I mean my friend and I are seriously planning a trip to the town where the movie Steel Magnolia’s was filmed, why? Because it’s here in Louisiana. They have turned the house that the movie was filmed in, into a themed bed and breakfast. If you promise not to laugh I’ll tell you something I did to the great amusement of my hubby. I love the Janet Evanovich books, the by the numbers books, the books take place in Trenton, New Jersey. One weekend a couple of years ago, I went to visit my hubby in Pennsylvania because he was there for work. We were right across the border from Trenton, New Jersey. I asked my hubby to drive me over there so I could see the town. He laughed out loud and said I was so goofy. Never the less he drove me over there and I stopped and got a famous Tasty Cake that the main character was always eating in the book. This also was a source of great amusement for my hubby and his friends. Although his friends wife took sympathy on me because she too loves to read.
Well my meds are starting to kick in, which means my hip pain is temporarily subsiding. That’s another thing I’d love to ramble on about, but I still need to shower and wash my hair. Given how long my hair is, washing it is a bit of a pain. But it’s getting late and I have to work tomorrow, plus drive 3 1/2 hours to Houston so… Good night!
I’m getting a little excited. I am getting ready to buy a new to me car. Yep that’s right. I’ve wanted a Mini Cooper for years!!! Years!!! I tell you. There has been no reason to buy a car in the last few years. Hubby got a new a job and his company gave him a company car, so I inherited the car he was driving. It’s a Volkswagon Jetta, TDI.
We call the car “Hitler” because it’s a German that keeps trying to kill it’s driver. But it’s paid off and gets great gas mileage. Well with the emissions controversy, they are going to buy back the car, which will allow me to buy the car I want and we can still put some money into the bank.
The hubby and I have come to trust CarMax, we’ve bought our last 3 vehicles from them including the Jetta. Well there isn’t a CarMax in Lafayette, but there is in Houston, where the other half of my brain lives. So Friday night I’m headed to Houston to check out my favorite car. We are going to test drive a few cars and if my Mini Cooper stands up to the scrutiny then I’m going to buy it!!! I’ve got the new car excitement, but I’m a little nervous too, I mean what if I don’t like it? What if I come to hate it as much as I hate the Jetta?
Wish me luck, I am excited and can’t wait to see if my new to me car is as fun as I remember…
And before you ask, no I didn’t win. I ventured out tonight and went to the local bingo hall and played. I did sit next to a nice lady named Shameka. She was very tolerant of all my questions and she did some slight chit chat. She ended up winning twice and I didn’t win a damn thing. I’m really kind of proud of myself… I’m starting to get out just a smidge more. I’ve been going to the movies more lately, which is a step in the right direction. I was a huge movie goer in KC so the fact that I wasn’t going here was starting to bum me out. I’m still pretty lonely but the hubby popped in for a weekend and that was greatly needed.
I love playing bingo and the bingo hall I went to in KC closed down about a year before I left so I haven’t played in forever. I had a great productive day today, I made some serious headway on a friends t-shirt quilt that I’ve been avoiding finishing, and I played bingo. I know it doesn’t sound like much but frankly given how depressed I’ve been lately it was a good day today.
So I’m sitting on here on my bed, running the software update on my cell phone as I type this pitiful little entry. I mean literally don’t have much else to say… Which is odd because the other day I was sitting in my recliner and literally wrote out a blog in my head. Now as I sit here writing this entry, my mind is going blank.
Ok well maybe it’ll be a better entry next time. Good night!
Ok it’s Sunday, laundry is laundering and breakfast has been cooked and eaten. I’m sitting here watching Grey’s Anatomy Season 2. I love this season, I have the first 8 seasons on DVD. There is a bright spot to my day, the hubby told me that he has booked a flight for next weekend to come and see me! I can’t wait! I miss him so much and I haven’t seen him in almost 2 months.
I made some progress on a quilt I had started yesterday. So should I work on that quilt? Should I crochet on my hubby’s blanket? Should I deep clean the trailer? I am at a loss as to what I should do today. It’s early in the day, kind of, 10:30 a.m. and that’s early for me, usually me and the hubby would be sleeping in and snuggling in the bed. Plus it’s gray and gloomy outside, it’s getting ready to start raining.
I’ve started writing this entry and I’m not sure where it’s going to go? Should I whine and complain? Should I rah, rah and try and cheerlead my way to being productive? Decisions, decisions… I’m fighting depression really hard these days. In fact I started losing the fight at work Friday, I actually started crying sitting at my desk, I literally couldn’t stop the tears. I tried to get it together and go to Jen’s house in Houston, but her in-laws were still in town and they were going to rodeo this weekend. I couldn’t deal with all of that so I stayed home. I quilted and watched tv most of yesterday, didn’t even leave my camper, I feel like I’m getting ready to do the same thing today. I need the rest, my boss pushes me pretty hard during the week and I fight exhaustion almost every day, but I don’t know if it’s from the stress of the job or the depression?
On top of everything else, there are feral cats in the trailer park. They seem to have taken up residence around my trailer, so they are mating and/or fighting under my camper. Yesterday I heard a strange noise coming from the floor of the trailer, I wandered around trying to locate the sound and see what the problem was. Couldn’t find anything then it stopped, my neighbor brought the cats to my attention it all made sense. Then late last night I heard a strange sound, then something crashed into the camper and I think it was the damn cats fighting!
Hubby is traveling back to KC today, they had their company meeting in Albuquerque this weekend. I tried to get the hubby to let me meet up with him there but unlike last years meeting which I did attend with him, they were not giving them any free time to play in New Mexico, so he nixed the idea of me joining him. Well need to go & switch over the laundry.
Ok hopefully this post won’t get lost in cyberspace when the app crashes… Well it’s Saturday night, I’m sitting on my bed watching a movie and crocheting on my hubby’s blanket. I did have a productive day which since I’ve moved I’m very proud of. I got off of my butt, got some stuff done and then went to the movies. Then I came home and kind of ran out of steam but now I’m back up & running.
I’ve missed my crocheting and sewing and I’ve been staring at projects that have gone undone for a few months now. That in all honesty made me a little bit more depressed, but I did drop off my granddaughters quilt at the quilt shop to get long arm quilted. It took me longer than I wanted for it to be finished but it’s there… So I’m hoping this burst of creativity will keep going, I can get back on track with the stuff I want to make. I love to crochet and/or quilt things and give them to the people I love. I actually drove to Houston to make a quilt for the other half of my brain. Then after she had it long arm quilted I drove back out to finish it off… Seeing her burrito herself in the quilt as she watches tv with her husband and son just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. My next door neighbor, she’s been sick most of this winter, so I made her a hat and slippers she can wear in camper to keep warm & hopefully to help her keep from getting sick.
Is it crazy that I want people to enjoy the stuff I make? I mean seriously, I get great joy when I see people using and enjoying my creations. When I see my daughter put the clothes on I make for the girls, literally chokes me up. When I see them play with the toys I’ve made I tear up… When I see my hubby pull the hat I made him down over his ears to keep warm, it makes me smile. Sometimes I feel like I’m forcing myself on people making them things, but honestly I can’t help myself. I just love making stuff and for whatever reason I feel the need to give the items away… I feel selfish if I make something for myself. Is that weird?
Ok well I guess I’m going to get back to my crocheting… Why I felt the need to write this blog I have no idea.
I wrote a great blog and was just about to add a pic and the app crashed and I lost the blog I just spent the last 20 minutes typing…
There are 2 things that point out I’m fat. One are the red bumps on the back of my arms and 2 the humpback bump at the top of my back… A friend of mine who was also a big girl, pointed this out. When she weighed in over 300 pounds she pointed out that one thing fat people have in common are the red dots on the back of very large arms and the hump right at the top of their backs.
I had never paid that close attention, but once pointed out I noticed them. I love my friend but I was like seriously? One other thing about my fat body that I have to be conscious of and/or hate… However, on the flip side I just looked in the mirror and my humpback is gone and the red dots have been erased! This new job is literally wearing me down! Last time I went to Kansas City, everyone commented that I was losing weight. Seeing the pictures I disagree, I feel like Moby Dick but people were stating that they noticed a difference. Tonight when I looked in the mirror I noticed the hump was gone, so I looked at my arms and felt them and nope, no dots. I looked in the mirror and while there was a ghost of color on the back of my arms the dots were for the most part gone!
Does this mean despite the boredom and emotional eating since I’m running my butt off and taking my meds like I’m supposed to I’m losing weight? I’m going to assume yes since these 2 minute details have gone away. Well hopefully it’s not a figment of my imagination.
Well it’s Saturday night and I’m watching my DVR… I did go to the quilt shop today. I bought some more fabric, big shocker right? So tomorrow I’m gonna clean up the camper and hopefully I’ll get it done quick enough that I can sew on my granddaughters quilt. Then I will suck it up and finish my friends t-shirt quilt that I’ve been sitting on for more than year. I don’t know why, but for some reason I keep pushing it aside. My poor friend has been so patient.
I’ve been in Louisiana for about 4 months now. I’m starting to feel more at home here. Not totally but I’m feeling better. I’m still lonely as hell, but if I don’t get out I’m never gonna meet anyone. Even the lady at the quilt shop today stated that I could attend one of the classes or retreats to meet some people. She said that even one of the employees there came from the Midwest… So maybe I’ll be able to have some fun.
I was pretty productive today, I mean it’s been awhile since I’ve gotten out and run some errands. But I did manage to get my jewelry turned in to get sized, I also got my car cleaned, I changed cell phone carriers to save some money and I got went to the quilt store. I also stopped and had some mexican food for lunch. I mean Kansas City has more Mexican restaurants than any other kind so for a while I was sooooo tired of Mexican food. But coming down here it’s all about the Cajun food. I mean everything is super spicy, it’s all about the Cajun seasoning. So I totally missed the Mexican fiesta, I stopped in and had a pretty good meal.
Ok well I’m not sure if this entry made any sense, but I think I’m done for now.